I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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