Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize