So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
