he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
