My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
