she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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