U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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