I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
