Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
