The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
