there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
be right there i have to get my cape
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
