Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
