I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
