i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
