Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
