So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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