There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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