So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
