I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
