I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
