My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
