If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
