I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
