it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
