I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
