There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
