I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why do cheetos always look like penises
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
