Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I looked at my own cervix.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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