just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
