SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
