I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
