honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
