I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
