i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
