Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize