So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
