If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize