He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
