i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
