i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
