On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The maid of honor just puked.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
