the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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