I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
