I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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