The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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