A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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