everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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