so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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