So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize