just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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