Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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