I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
