Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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