I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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