the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize