it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
