your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
