We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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