We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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