You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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