You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
