So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we're so committed to being not committed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
