I think my vagina is haunted
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
