shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize