ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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