Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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