i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
