you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
