I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize