I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
