Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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