Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
