he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
